his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
