I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
