I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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