Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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