why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
