foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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