sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
