I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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