walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
