In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
