I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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