Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
