Apparently you make a good broom.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
