Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
