Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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