This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
