remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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