found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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