Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
