meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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