peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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