Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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