I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Two words: blizzard sex
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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