oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
