brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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