When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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