I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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