She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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