I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
