the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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