I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
