My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
