I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
