I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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