drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
