Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
