You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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