Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
