I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
third nipple confirmed
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
