And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
