Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
