I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
