i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
