Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
