the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
4 words: hood of his car
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
