a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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