Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
