So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
you made out with another girl for some wings
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
