the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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