Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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