i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Sorry about my life...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
