how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you traded sex for a burrito?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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