there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
