The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
