This dress was meant to end up on your floor
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
