Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
