i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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