I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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