Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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