I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
