what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fling myself into the sun
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize