who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
