Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
