I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
