His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
