I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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