We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
