Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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