just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
