Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
