ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
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buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
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You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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