I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
