You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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