tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
