If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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