Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
